An Open Letter To My Ex

Husband #2:

Today you sent me a text message: Address please
I replied with my address.
You: I'm right around the corner
!!!!!!!
My heart dropped and began to pound right out of my chest. My hands were shaking.  I thought I was going to throw up. So I dialed your number.

"What do you mean, you're right around the corner?" I exclaimed, my voice shaky, nearly breaking.
"Ha, ha ha," you said. "I'm just sending you a late birthday present."
"That isn't funny! I just almost puked in my trash can" I said.
"Oh, then it WAS funny!" you replied, laughing still. LAUGHING.  At my pain!

I hung up. I couldn't stop shaking and I started to cry. It really wasn't funny. Do you not realize what you did to me? Do you STILL not realize, after all the times I've explained to you that you DEVASTATED me when you left me for another woman?  My daily attempt at forgiveness is a concerted effort on my part and if I were to see you again, I would need days of mental preparation just to be able to deal with being in your presence while the memory of the pain and shock and anger came to the surface again, making me feel worthless and discarded all over again.  Why do you laugh when I express to you that it wasn't a funny joke and I do not ever want to be surprised like that?  Why is your betrayal and infidelity so far removed from your awareness that you don't realize that jokes like that are completely lost on me?  What kind of reaction did you really expect?

I dragged a friend and confidant into my office to cry on and he just shook his head and looked disgusted, that someone who already (practically, and for awhile) ruined my life and tore down any semblance of self-esteem I had would stoop so low as to stab me in the back again.  You seem to be the only one who thought it was funny.

You just don't get it and it's apparent that you never will.  You can't do that kind of damage and expect for me to ever laugh about it.  In trying to leave the pain behind, keeping you in my life in any form just makes it harder.  Still, I am trying to forgive.  But don't expect me to forget.

However, I am a Barbie girl.  I can re-invent myself and be better off in the end.  I can fly my pink, sparkly flag and I no longer care if you love and appreciate me.  I can create a new world and a new life where I surround myself with people who build me up instead of tear me down.  But can you take it easy on me?  Haven't you caused enough pain?  You better be sending me a really nice present.

Sincerely,
The One You Threw Away